Starting a parenthood project is an important step, and goes far beyond the decision to get pregnant. It is common for the desire to have a child to arise spontaneously - as a childhood dream, a life goal, or even as a desire becomes more important over time. However, there is an essential question that we must reflect on before starting this path: Do we want to have a child or do we really want to be parents? Although these two ideas seem to indicate the same thing, if we think about them only a little we come to the conclusion that they do not always coincide. The desire to have a child can be associated with several reasons, for example, idealized images of parenthood, the desire to form a family, to perpetuate bonds, social pressure or even the attempt to fill emotional gaps. The desire to be a father or mother implies a deeper commitment , that is, an inner movement of preparation to welcome, care for and accompany a new life in a conscious and responsible way. It is about thinking of parenthood as a relational, emotional and continuous role, which is built far beyond pregnancy or the birth of a child. Being a mother or father is not limited to the moment of birth nor is it limited to the practical aspects of care. It is an ongoing process of building bonds, availability and emotional presence, and can and should begin even before pregnancy. Before getting pregnant, we should embrace parenthood as an invitation to reflect on what is behind this desire. It is a way of caring not only for the future baby, but also for the person who will receive it - with all their history, resources, limitations and affections. It is also an opportunity to question unrealistic expectations, confront fears and prepare emotionally for one of the most demanding roles in life. Unfortunately, it is common to see how the expectations created around parenthood influence the real experience after the baby is born. When there is time to reflect on these expectations in advance, the couple (or the person who wants to become a mother or father) gains tools to deal with the surprises, challenges and ambivalent emotions that are part of real parenthood. There are some questions that can guide this path of reflection: What does being a mother or father mean to me? More than a title, it is an emotional place. It is important to think about values, priorities and how you want to be present in a child's life. What kind of relationship would I like to build with my future child? More than imagining perfect moments, it is about thinking about the quality of the connection you want to create. Being clear about the type of relationship you want to build can help align expectations and prepare a more conscious path. What was my own experience as a son or daughter like? Personal history influences, often invisibly, the way we think about and experience parenthood. Remembering what it was like to be cared for helps to separate the past from the present and build a freer parenting style. What practical and emotional resources do I have to care for a child? It is important to evaluate the internal and external conditions that we have available to support a child's development. Recognizing resources and limits is not a sign of weakness, but rather an essential step towards sustainable parenting. Am I available to face the challenges that parenthood can bring me? Real parenthood brings joy, but also frustration, fatigue and uncertainty. Being available means accepting that there will be moments of doubt and that it will not always be easy. Reflecting on these questions does not mean having all the answers before starting the parenthood project. On the contrary, it is about cultivating an attitude of openness, listening and awareness, which allows for the construction of a safer, more realistic and affectionate parenting style. After all, welcoming a child begins with welcoming the experience of being (or becoming) a mother or father. And this is a journey that deserves to be taken with information, support and time. Author : Sara Duarte Couto (psychology) Meet the psychology clinical team from Hospital da Luz network. The content published in the Health Guide is intended for the general public and is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It does not replace individual medical assessment, diagnosis, or personalized clinical advice from a qualified healthcare professional. The content is produced or reviewed by physicians and other healthcare professionals at Hospital da Luz and is based on the knowledge available at the time of publication or the most recent update, as indicated at the beginning of each item.
