Talking to teenagers is, for many parents, an arduous task. In my practice, I increasingly met isolated, sad young teenagers, immersed in a silence that sometimes becomes deafening. At the same time, I sit across from exhausted, frustrated, often angry parents, unable to understand how that child, once so outgoing and available, has become a stranger in their own home. Both parents and children have a genuine desire to communicate, but also a constant disconnect. Each attempt seems to generate noise, misunderstandings, and inevitably, conflict. Words become weapons, gestures defenses, and love, although always present, seems to be covered by layers of resentment and distance. I often tell parents: "Instead of walking in front of your child, try walking beside them." Not as an instruction, but as an invitation. Walking beside means approaching without pressuring, listening before interpreting, accompanying without invading. A significant part of the difficulty in communication arises because adolescence also implies a silent mourning for parents: the mourning of the child who will never return. That predictable, affectionate, dependent child, who allowed themselves to be guided, gives way to someone who claims space, who tests limits, who seeks identity. And this movement, natural and healthy, can be experienced by parents with strangeness, loss, or longing. When there is resistance to accepting that children grow up, communication can get stuck between what they want to maintain and what is inevitably changing. When a teenager reacts with irritation, withdraws, or has behaviors that parents perceive as ugly or serious, the immediate impulse to reprimand often arises. But sometimes this will help: taking a small internal pause and ask: what is this gesture trying to express? Not as an excuse, but as a path to understanding. Many adolescent behaviors are attempts - imperfect, but sincere - to communicate what they cannot yet translate into words. Walking alongside them also implies adjusting the way we communicate. Sometimes it means talking less and listening more. Other times, it means accepting silence without experiencing it as rejection. Asking questions that open up space - “how was it for you?” - instead of questions that close it off - “why did you do that?”. Validating emotions is not about agreeing with decisions. It's about showing that the teenager's experience makes sense within their own life. And sometimes the most transformative thing is simply being available. Not to solve problems, but to accompany them. When teenagers realize that they can exist in the presence of their parents without needing to defend themselves, dialogue tends to find its way back. Walking alongside is not a technique, it's an attitude. It's a relationship movement, imperfect and human, in which parents and children adjust as they move forward. It is in the possible encounter, and not in the idealized encounter, that the relationship finds its place. Author : Yennyfer Katerine Martins Meet the psychology clinical team from Hospital da Luz network. The content published in the Health Guide is intended for the general public and is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It does not replace individual medical assessment, diagnosis, or personalized clinical advice from a qualified healthcare professional. The content is produced or reviewed by physicians and other healthcare professionals at Hospital da Luz and is based on the knowledge available at the time of publication or the most recent update, as indicated at the beginning of each item.
